Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
