So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
