I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
