I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
