apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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