nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
