He uses pillows to masturbate.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
