I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
