I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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