all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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