Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
