Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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