I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize