i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
