if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
