The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
