Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
