There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
