I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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