remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize