The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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