wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
