I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
