Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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