My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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