I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
