the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
