Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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