and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think I just sharted jello shots
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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