bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
