I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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