Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you would pick up someone in the library
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
