Yo dont text me then not text me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
