You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You made out with two different species that night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
