i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
