Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
