She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
