We got so high we made milksteak
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
