I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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