pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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