It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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