i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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