Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
