we have officially lost it.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
