i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
