I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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