I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
