You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
