she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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