all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
