I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
