Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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