Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
