i barfeds in our rink
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
