Only a mothe r could love this liver
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
