nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
