Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone came in the potted fern
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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