Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize